Centering the Self
an act of generosity for others...
I am not proud of the frantically busy, DOING, stressed, irritable non-intimate mother that I was for my young children.
From my own injured, dis-regulated place I modeled for them DOING behavior, reactivity, and intolerance for the stress of my own and their needs.
In this way, I have contributed to the distorted functioning of our society. I am no longer there in the isolated cage i built for myself…
I have learned in this long walk away from that woman that the more I honor my own needs and the more I care fully for myself, the more available I am for my now young adult children, and all the people in my life. This practice of learning about and staying in alignment with my needs, letting go of distractions, and regulating my own nervous system allows me to be a source of regulation for others. It no longer takes much time or concentration. I am no longer afraid of my reactivity and anger… regulation, compassion and a bandwidth capable of holding many people’s needs at once is an inherent part of how I move through my days.
When we look inward and spend time understanding what our needs are in order to feel full vibrant and joyful, we create for all of those in our world, a person who has depth and breath and capacity to support and hold them as well.
If we allow ourselves to run on the crazy rat race of stress, DOING and information overload - we run the risk of depleting our reserves and spending so much time in overwhelm and exhaustion that we snap at our loved ones. Pushing them away, creating a energetic mine field around ourselves that leaves them walking on eggshells.
We have short fuses.
We feel worn out and broken by the simple things that our friends or lovers require from us.
Many of us don’t even know how to “care for” or “about” our selves.
We do not know what we need to feel secure, confident, and able to engage with those around us with compassion and acceptance.
When we don’t live in a place of regulation with compassion for ourselves, we cannot do it for others. The time of the martyred parent/ friend needs to be over. A martyr is half of a codependent interaction that has led us to the place of distress, dis-regulation and reactivity we are at today.
Taking time for ourselves to stop and be
to look inward
to notice what activates us or puts us into reactive mode
what triggers me so I am unavailable emotionally to hold people around me?
This is hard work, but it is well worth it, it will change your life, change your relationships and change how you feel as you move throughout your day.
As we begin the practice of being and knowing ourselves and what we need, we open up our lives to living from a place where our self compassion ripples out to all of those around us, and we become for ourselves and for others the grounding rod and support required to thrive.
Support is available- start with the suggestions above or contact me at DogFishMoon.com my Intuitive Wellness program is a first step in walking forward.